I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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