Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
