and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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