When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
