hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i out mim tonsoeep
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