you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
