if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
