we're blogging at a bar
look no pants
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
