sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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