Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
