I seem to have left my pride at pride
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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