with your own penis?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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