On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
