tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
