So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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