He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
