shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My penis needs a shock collar
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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