Your face is a jimmy john
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
