farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
