How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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