I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
