Buhtt sex?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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