my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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