out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
