so let's talk penis.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
