I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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