member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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