so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
