What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
