So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
