I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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