Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
