When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
bring money and cleavage
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
