so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize