i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
