Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
