remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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