He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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