What a fucking waste of an outfit
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
