So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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