When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
