How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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