She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize