I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
