Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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