ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
