It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
