He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
