Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
