Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize