3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
