were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
