so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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