allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
