ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize