he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
