Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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