the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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