Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
