Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
