Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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