I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's get the cat blown out
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
