my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
