I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
