yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am available for nakedness
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
