i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
