I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize